That's Loser Talk

How many ballplayers have you known who “never were”? In other words, you never saw someone with more hops, more handles, a “wetter” jump shot than ____________________. But _____________ never played one second in a real game with you because he quit too soon. He/She did not like how little he/she was playing - wanted 35 minutes a game instead of 20. He/She did not expect to be disciplined for violating team rules. So he/she gets to tell tall tales to his/her grandchildren of how some players are just too dominant to grace a high school team with their expertise. Pardon the brief digression. Why do you play? Is it because of who is watching you or because your dad expects big minutes? It did not take long for me to realize in high school and on my college team that I played for reasons other than the immediate gratification of minutes, points, rebounds etc.

In the summers I sought out college leagues to sharpen skills against better competition and found my way onto teams with Division I caliber players. But the summer training seemed futile as I returned to my school and sat the bench most of my sophomore and junior seasons. I picked up garbage time minutes but never played in the crucial moments. I briefly entertained transferring schools after my sophomore year. There was at least one local coach of a private school near my home in the San Gabriel Valley who was interested in meeting with me to discuss how I could help his program. I cancelled the meeting and decided to stay put despite a chance to play on scholarship.

An epiphany changed my perspective. I realized that instead of enjoying basketball because it was fun and challenging I played it to prove my worth to others. Has anyone ever told you that you have “drama” or “baggage”? Well I did and my drama was not even related to basketball. I put an immense amount of pressure on myself to be good because I wanted recognition. Coaches, family and teammates were why I played. But if I played to be heralded by onlookers, why was I suiting up for practice, giving up countless hours only to be disappointed come game time. Answer: I started a slow process toward understanding that I play because I enjoy how the sport makes me feel. I enjoyed being on a team, belonging to something. Some are the “Loner” types that don’t need to be around people or feel like they are a part of something bigger than themselves. That is not me. I realized that I do love team-oriented things. I also began to understand that only a select group of people ever even play college sports. The game became more of a gift to me, something I prized in and of itself.