Dude asked me yesterday if I felt 38 years old. I ain't trying to read into a simple question too much but that's like asking someone how much they love their unborn kids. Or maybe it's more like being asked, "Do you miss the NBA career you never had?" Wait a minute, I got it. I visited my sister in Brooklyn, New York earlier in October for the first time. I had never been to the east coast...EVER! I once spent a few days in Miami, Florida as part of a demonstration team for a coaching clinic but as east as that was...it wasn't New York.
I hadn't seen Ground Zero, hadn't ridden a New York Subway train, hadn't been to Union or Times Square and hadn't hooped at a park just a minutes from the Barclays Center. It was a new and foreign experience so if someone had asked me upon my return if New York felt like New York it would have been an impossible question to answer. To what could I compare or contrast the current experience. I mean...the subway train caught me off guard when it took-off and an elderly New Yorker riled up as I fell into his space. I stood on the grounds of the most grave and gripping memorial I will ever behold at 9/
Back to age 38. I've never been this close to 40. I don't feel old per se but I do feel different. There is a sense of urgency in me but I swear that was there 4-5 years ago. The latest sensitivity to the new age terrain, however, involves all the usual suspects. I have no biological children and the cats in the NBA my age are becoming a select few. I'm not as motivated to even play basketball as I was at 23 though I can find that drive when called out ha ha. But feelin' 38? I'm not feelin' 38. I mean, I'm felin' 38 in the sense that I appreciate not punchin' out at 37. Life is no right as much as it is a sign that God's grace persists. So yeah...I'm feelin' 38 with both hands, so-to-speak. But as far as 38 goes, I know that men my age post questions online like, "What can I expect at my physical? I didn't play sports in high school and haven't had a health exam in 22 years." C'mon bruh. That ain't got nothin' to do with being 38 and its commensurate ailments. I don't hate doctors enough to stay away that long. And while weight rooms and eliptical machines are the opposite of sexy, I'm not trying to feel 38, not that way.
So what now? What's the difference between 38 and 28? The late 30s is a season. Jay Z once said, "I used to think rappin' at 38 was ill but last year alone I grossed 38 mil..." Is that the difference ha ha. Maybe for Jigga but not this bruh. Now young people get to chattin' with you and you realize, "Man I got 15-20 years on this person. They hit you with a sir or compliment you on ya shoes as if they didn't expect swag from somebody your age. Then 38 hits you a little bit. The role is mentor now. The perception of others shifts. I mean...old is not the operative word. But there is guidance responsibility I feel now that I didn't say 8 years ago. It is what it is and I'm down. Like so much else, age is the stuff of labels. Categories are tempting as we try to figure out where we belong at various stages of life. I can't get down with 'em though. 38 is perfectly public for me. No shame. But the meaning of the number is unclear. All I now is that I should probably keep tellin' the truth and learning from as many people as I can. Jesus only needed 33 years to live full and with purpose. I've gotten five more than he had so the least I could do is keep eyes up. Happy Halloween.
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