You Can't Teach Mamba

I can't even count the number of times I've chosen Kobe Bryant when people argued who they'd rather have instead. I don't see that vibe coming to an end. It was always simple to me with him. Kobe didn't care about you or your assessments, your analytics or projections. I watched him come in that way...100% sure he belonged. He knew he belonged in the NBA among the legends, not the also-rans. He was drafted at the end of the physical era of hoopin', when hand checkin' was the norm and Vlade Divac was the only one floppin'. He got a taste of Mike while "His Airness" was still hangin' banners in Chi. Fresh out of high school he wore arrogance as a disguise concealing what people now call Mamba Mentality. Arrogance had to be a disguise because if it [the arrogance] was pure, his death would have still been tragic, but more akin to a Greek Tragedy. But Kobe "Bean"was hardly a victim of hubris. Kobe possessed something I only see as an outgrowth of his impact on this current generation of athletes from the NFL to Pro Tennis and beyond - a necessary killer instinct. 

Everybody talks about these favorite Kobe moments and I almost felt like a basketball heretic because I couldn't think of one off hand. Then it dawned on me that Kobe was his own moment. He was a personified ethos. I never questioned his commitment to his craft, the truth or the mission because for every folkloric tale of his 1-on-1 games with D-Fish or his maniacal shooting sessions after a loss, other pros corroborated these stories. And they did so long before the tragic crash that devastated countless families worldwide. The best of the athletic community esteemed Kobe Bryant as the icon of preparation and execution. I guess that's my Kobe moment right there. I never watched him play and said, "Damn, why he take that shot instead of passing it to Glenn Rice or Ron Harper or Sasha Vujacic or Vlad Radmonovic or Nick Young or even Metta World Peace?" And we all know the Metta formerly known as Ron Artest won us game 7 of that 2010 championship.

I treated Kobe in my mind the way I did Magic Johnson. Every team needs to have a guy in whose hands the game can rest. And it's gotta be somebody who wants every bit of that moment. He or she can't be shook and more than that, your "killa" gotta be certified, proven, authenticated. When you got that dude, people can say what they want about your squad and your dude. It doesn't matter and it doesn't change anything. I rocked with K.B. because you can't teach what he had any more than you could what Magic had. Shaq once said his goal was to make his opponent quit. Either that's original and the essence of "The Diesel" imposing his will all those years or that was evidence of a Kobe contagion spread in that Laker Locker room. 

Here's why Kobe matters to me personally though when you get away from the hoop part. Basketball didn't really become part of my life until I was in the 8th grade. I was athletic, probably because who wasn't in my Los Angeles neighborhood. That's South Central by the way. But the lesson of my lifetime has been learning my own identity, accepting it and envying absolutely no one. It's hard to settle into not being cool enough, never having the freshest fit and kicks and feeling conditionally approved in this world. I grew up a Christian which came with rules and expectations. I also grew up a black male in America which has certain preconceptions and projected stigmas. Basketball may have been my elixir but religion, ethics and Black identity have always been my sustenance. I mean trust me when I say a bruh played by the rules but I found out very early into adulthood that such adherence to even one's own personal ethical code made you a target. Organizations from churches to schools wanted me to be their "bridge Black guy" who knows how to assuage the people, tranquilizing them with my unassuming articulation and disarming disposition. I didn't need the Mamba lesson as long as people were employing me and applauding my skill set. But then I became maritally separated and ultimately divorced. 

Like so many others who experience divorce and what can accompany it, I entered unprecedented corrosive space. For the first time, I was the rule breaker, the virus that friends' wives don't want their husbands to contract. I was navigating fatherhood and a host of time-sensitive realities when my religious community thinned out like when you try to add water to the last of the dish washing liquid 'cause you too lazy or broke to get some more. I found very little support in very few places. 

And then one day, I was on the other side of divorce and redefining Faith and manhood. There was a silence I can't explain that remained as friends watched my new life unfold (as much as one can superficially). Then I remarried and the reviews were mixed as some told me how they were struggling with how they found out while others supported the next episode. Regardless of how anyone came to view the current chapter of my life, Kobe's legacy lands this way in my world: PURPOSE-TENACITY-SUBMISSION TO GOD. It so transcends basketball (which I wanted to be my life) that letting go of human approval has become a necessary philosophy. One must learn to compete with false loyalty, to not bow to idols of human manipulation. To complete the mission, one can only be tenacious if one disentangles greater mission from the need to be affirmed. That was my deficit - feeling worthy. But attempts at being considered intelligent, spiritual, useful to the team, etc. always led me to people pleasing. Worried about people's feelings and perceptions became a hyper obsession until the road to divorce shook me woke! I think Kobe was resolute, clear of purpose and yet clear in his assessment of reality. While he hadn't changed in mind and soul, he knew in those last 4 seasons prior to retirement that he "[couldn't] love you [basketball] obsessively for much longer." He was at peace with the letting go because of what he gave in the love relationship between him and basketball. Now he was free to be completely the whole Kobe, not merely a basketball god. And so that is my parallel. 

I loved the justice of my Faith and still do, serving its ends and wanting the Church to realize its destiny. I loved the justice of education and still do, serving students as a guide to self-leadership and citizenry because that's how the teaching profession has evolved and more than that that, it's me. I loved accolades and being recruited by my overseers who need me to do the work no one else will but I resigned from this affinity. As long as Kobe was a basketball player he couldn't truly create from his center. But the path he was on before his life came to a shocking end was the right one, the most inspired one. And so I am a man who has experienced love on this Earth in many ways, divorce, manipulation, failure and such. I am a father/stepfather, husband once-again, teacher of God's truth, teacher of leadership, creator of the yet-to-be determined (though it will have something to do with God and Leadership and youth and probably education). I am judged and the volume of such judgement echoes loudly but is diminished by PURPOSE-TENACITY-SUBMISSION TO GOD. People say Kobe was a winner. Whatever he was, he made peace with himself, faced his dreams, fears, demons and potential. He didn't wait for co-signature to proceed with the essence imbued within him. Unprovoked, he struck the hot iron to forge something so powerful and ubiquitous that it would literally infect generations. No amount of approval from a person would ever give you that. It is the stuff of God.